A message to our Guatemala Adoption Community on this Giving
Tuesday…
16.5. That’s how old our son is now. He’s a junior in high
school, thinking about his future and what the world will hold for him as he
soon launches into adulthood. Guatemala is part of his identity, but it plays a
smaller role than I thought it would. Recently, when given the opportunity to
share funds with a non-profit of his choice, he selected an agency that fights
childhood cancer rather than a Guatemalan NGO. I was both disappointed and
proud in that moment, realizing that it was my mistake to have assumed he would
choose Guatemala and that his choice was a sign not only of his understanding
of the scope of needs within the universe but also of his agency in selecting
the one that spoke to his heart.
Entering Phase II…
Perhaps you’re like us? Shortly after our son had joined our
family and begun to take his first steps, we felt called to “give back” to his
country of birth. I’m not sure now whether we were motivated by generosity,
guilt, or the desire to create visible ties to his culture, but we were
successful in identifying a non-profit that gave us all the good feels, and
we have supported that same organization for well more than a decade. But now
what?
Guatemala has experienced an enormous influx of financial
support from our adoption community for the past 20 years but, as our children
are growing, many of us are feeling less connected, less motivated, and less passionate
about our stewardship, especially when our Guatemalan born children seem
indifferent. I share these thoughts today, hoping to inspire a shift in our
collective thinking to the next phase of supporting the country that helped
build so many families.
Unrestricted Giving…
When our son was a little boy, we were intrigued by the
notion of supporting specific indigenous children through educational sponsorship,
food aid, and gifts. Over the years, we sent both funds and care packages to these
children and their families, and we were rewarded with photos and letters of
thanks. We built such close ties that we traveled to Guatemala on many
occasions to visit and distribute gifts, much like a fairy godmother would do. I
was, in fact, called “madrina” (godmother) on many occasions, even by elderly
women who deserved far more respect than I did.
It is in this hallowed year of 2020, where terms like
dignity and privilege and equity and agency have taken on a greater depth of
meaning, that I reflect upon our past giving patterns and make the very
deliberate switch to unrestricted giving in the future.
I know that I have a good heart and that I act with the best
of intentions, but – somewhere along the journey – my ego got the best of me
and I imposed my own wishes upon the fellow humans that I had pledged to
support. I “lifted them up” with the things that I thought they needed… the
things that I assumed would make their lives brighter. At times, I was offered
a menu of gift choices, and I made my selection as if I was ordering ice cream
cones for my kids at the scoop shop window, speaking on their behalf.
In their book, “Doing Good… Says Who?” my
friends and authors Connie Newton and the late, great Fran Early share a quote
from a local Mayan woman whom they interviewed for their research. She said
with such profound grace, “Just because I have less, does not mean that I
am less.” I fear that, through my directed giving, I may have made people
feel marginalized. That through my picture taking and story-telling, I may have
stripped them of their dignity. That I was so lost in being a madrina, that I
never saw myself as a peer.
Becoming the sail…
Although things look different now from my rearview mirror,
I will always be thankful for the opportunity to have helped sponsored children,
families and elders over the years. But now I’m ready for Phase II. Rather than
impact an individual student, I would like to help support a school or a
tutoring program. Rather than focus on a specific family, I would like to help support
a community. Instead of being an anchor, I would like to become the sail.
The organization that we have supported all these years has undergone
a major shift in how they deliver services, empowering local staff and local
leaders to evaluate and assess needs and ensuring that resources are directed where
they are most needed. Large project opportunities are determined by community
rather than donors, creating partnership and trust and honoring culture. And, the
organization’s mission and vision are now laser focused on just three programs:
education, nutrition and health, and economic development. Their once micro
approach has become macro, realizing that there can only be generational impact
when communities are transformed together.
It’s funny. Our connection to Guatemala began through our son, but now it seemingly carries more meaning for us than it does for him. With no strings attached, we will continue to support organizations in Guatemala that do great work. We don’t need thank you notes or pictures or plaques on walls or fireworks. We simply want to add to the collective pool of resources that helps that great work get done. That’s enough. It always was.
